I'VE WAITED YEARS TO HAVE THIS ONLINE...

Well, here it is everyone. A test of how far I have come since the advent of the myspace technology revolution. I created the present updated version of this website in the Spring of 2004, when I was living at home with my mom. I already had 1-900 asianprincess produced and I wanted it to be online and available for people to see. I was broke and unable to buy the full version of the compression software and it was just harder to do things..slower...complicated. Now with social networking and the market that has opened up for different software companies you can have your video compressed, uploaded and public in less than an hour! You can customize an inane phrase in blinging letters in MINUTES. Ahhhmazing.

SEX WORK SURVIVOR, SexTV Canada 2005
I love the way this came out. The producer and camera guy team were amazing, and accomodating. They listened and really helped me to co-craft my own story. SexTV is amazing and progressive (like Canada is in ways). This show has done numerous excellent shows on transgenders, Peter Berlin and migrant sex trafficking. Very pro-sex worker, and queer friendly.




1-900-asianprincess

Funny that this is a 3 year old project but still the theme of my life.

It's BEEN SOOOO LONG! But I am BACK! and better than EVER!

AND DAMN, I am NOT wasting ANY TIME! I have graduated from UCLA with a Master's of Education emphasizing work with LGBT rights, heterosexism and homophobia in schools and NOW I AM READY TO BE THE WHORE and the ARTIST THAT I WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE!!

As we speak, I am sitting with my baby nephew ECSTATIC to be updating the first thing on my website in ONE AND HALF YEARS!!

Well, I can't say it was hell, because I enjoyed it thoroughly. I am the strong, balanced and proud person that I am because of the fact that I went through the fire by going back to school and diving full on into a teaching career in the heart of Latino South Central LA. And if you read previous blogs about all the ROOMATE drama that I had to go through before finally settling into my VERY OWN beautiful flat in South Central where I can sex people all over the walls if I wanted and put up my own artwork EVERYWHERE. And of course the place is pink!

It was one of the very blogs where I talk shit about one of the asshole roomates that I made the mistake of sleeping with and caring for for a minute I was asked to leave their stupid live/work where my spirit/sex work/artwork/pot smoking/singing was not welcome. It was a pretty damaging experience and I have shied away from posting for a long long time because of that drama and just being too busy to do anything but eat, drink and breath TEACHING. But alas, I learned a VALUABLE lesson about throwing dirt into the world wide web and not realizing that your roomate could be in the next room reading what you are blogging right as you are DOING IT. hahah. I can laugh at my naivete now because living with that fuck head and the other fuck head roomate who snitched on me to him and pretended to be an anonymous commenter are FAR FAR BEHIND ME.

I finally finished my final day of teaching and the last of my 35 page paper on June 30th, just like I always knew I would. I never knew I could work so hard in my ENTIRE LIFE. I just wanted to finish my degree. And have my own classroom. Achieve those goals and know that I could make it in the real world waking up at 6am and leaving the building at 8pm only to work more at home until 12am or 1. Now I am determined to give that same effort and spirit to my artwork. I thought I knew what hard work was BEFORE teaching. Noooo. Anyone who questions why teachers get long breaks needs to get kicked in the face with my boot and then observe the life of a teacher in the hood. But, Ms. Hirano...why did you spend $30,000 and 2 years to just go back to doing exactly what you were doing before you got your degree? Aaah. practical questions. I just know that I finally have the answers for myself and for many others that have looked to me for guidance and answers and that I AM using my degree. I have been permanantly changed and bettered by the last two years. It has been a journey through fire and has inspired my art and soul endlessly. And It is SO GOOD TO NOT FEEL LOST. Or to be aspiring to wait tables or sell Hyundais. Phew.

So I am writing new music, making new contacts with creative and awesome souls, singing as much as possible and seeking out new relationships with producers and photographers. I just did a new photoshoot with Geoff Unsinn or unsinnimage.com and the photos (one of them here) turned out AMAZING. I have to manipulate them into a new series and I will debut them when I relaunch this site.

I used to spend 10-30 hours plannning a lesson for my kids at school. I have done that with this website by now is the TIME. I am 30 years old and have NEVER FELT BETTER. READY TO WATCH ME BLOSSOM? Or, feel free to come along for the ride if you want!

SWOP-UCLA update/Jenna J media update

It has been a busy busy quarter for me. I have managed to keep SWOP alive down here while managing my first year student teaching as a crazy high school English teacher. I tore myself away from the madness to come up to hang out with Carol Leigh and all of the SF activists at the SEx Worker Film and ARt FEstival taht happens every 2 years. It was GREAT FUN. It was awesome to network with new sex workers from around the world and across the country and see how crazy we all are. I learned a lot.

I also met a gorgeous and beautiful woman on one of the nights! It was almost like I was on vacation in my own home town. She was so gorgerous. I just walked up to her and hit on her and spent the rest of the movie with me and I squeezed myself into her crazy polyamorous love schedule and managed to roll around in her bed before her girlfriend came home. It was the equivalent of sleeping with Angelina Jolie for me. I think I died and went to heaven. She was an escort/dominatrix and an activist. She was on the cover of the Spectator and has a similar balance to butch and femme as I do. I think it's also interesting that I used to be AFRAID to get involved with anyone who did more sex work than me. I used to internalize the hierarchy of sex work in my personal relationships. I thought that the women who did more and the men who wanted them were all HEATHENS!! And now I see the logic in all its fallacies finally.

In other news, well I made the front cover of the school newspaper the Daily Bruin that Monday. It was a shitty photo and a shitty article. I had issues with the coverage. It's not an article that I was proud of but folks that read it didn't even notice that it was that bad. click on this link and read the original article.

http://www.dailybruin.ucla.edu/news/articles.asp?id=33223

I totally slipped in many ways as far as reveavling too much information about myself. I was naive to trust the media with my real name and the type of work that I do.. Here is a response that I wrote to the editors and the writer. They published something similar to this original letter here, but it was a watered down version so I'll just paste the original here.

Dear Ari:

Thank you for attempting to feature my work and SWOP-UCLA in a positive light in yesterday’s article but I feel that in many ways you missed the mark. My criticism is in no ways personal and I take partial responsibility for the information presented but feel the need to express my view to you and the Daily Bruin.

It seems clear after reading the piece that I failed to communicate the issue of decriminalization of prostitution. The very fact that the work that some sex workers is outlawed and for other sex workers is not outlawed is part of the very problem we fight against. Workers are not free to come out and say that they are prostitutes or do “full body sensual massage” because IT IS STILL ILLEGAL. The massage and escort euphemisms are known within the industry to clients and workers to represent commercial sex acts that have been outlawed. I am really appalled at the caption under my photo. THE ONLY THING THAT IS MISSING IS MY F**KIN’ PHONE NUMBER and it would read like one of the wanted ads I place on the internet except anything is more clever than the caption printed. My real name, my stage name, my graduate department are all in the same line under my big, full color photo (“She gives full body sensual massages when she is not going to school???!!!) Do you ever wonder why women who do this work often blur out or cover their faces? Sensitivity around this issue if you decide to work with our community is KEY. Sex workers, like sexual assault survivors and members of the queer community have specific sensitivities to anonymity because the sexual violence that exists in the world and the lack of sensitivity society has to these issues in general. Imagine if the caption had read,”Jenna J, head of SWOP-UCLA is a first year graduate student who has worked on decriminalization of prostitution and labor rights for exotic dancers.” Instead, as it was printed it REVEALS EVERYTHING but SAYS NOTHING about the politics and work that I stand for.

I was not outed as a sex worker organizer but “Gennifer M. Hirano, Graduate Students of Education and Information Studies gives full body sensual massages when isn’t going to school.” I should have been more careful. I blame myself for this too. I got lazy because I was used to using my real identity at the film festival, before I was a UCLA student, before I ventured off into more “illegal” sex work. Part of the problem that I have is not about being outed, but rather being outed in a way that totally de-politicizes the core issues that SWOP-USA, Carol Leigh and I have FOUGHT for. To use SWOP’s name and NOT mention decriminalization is almost blasphemy. Melinda Dudley wrote about SWOP-UCLA earlier this year and she did an excellent job in respecting my politics, my identity and being sensitive and well versed on the issues. You are writing about fighting stigmas and violence but not understanding that you are putting me at risk for further stigmatization by not contextualizing my identity. The hatred of sex workers is as deep as the Green River that Gary Ridgway buried the 48 sex workers he murdered.

Both articles had the words ‘fighting stigmas’ in their titles. What is battling a stigma if you don’t explicitly mention that stigmas are the portal that we aim to kick down and our revolution begins only when LAWS that work to keep us down are changed, our revolution begins only when the violence against prostitutes ends, when media sources feel the need to stop flashing sex workers photos and occupation as the headline or attention getter for the story. ‘PROSTITUTE FOUND DEAD’ headlines for example has a long standing tradition in the media. Make a commitment to portray us in a different light.

The article comes off to me like a girl flashing her boobs on “Girls Gone Wild.” It comes off like I was dying to let everyone know this cool and unique thing that I am part of. Understand this: I am in no way interested in letting the UCLA community know about my business unless my mission in decriminalizing prostitution, fighting for the labor rights and self determination for sex workers needs to be more explicit than the type of sex work that I do. You use the word ‘stereotypes’ three times in one paragraph and I’m sure you use the word stigma just as many times. We need to insert LABOR RIGHTS, INSTITUTIONALIZED SEXISM and DECRIMINALIZATION into an article like this instead.

Sex worker is a political identity and a movement and I have chosen to be a part of it for specific reasons. If you wish to cover the issues of our movement in the future I would suggest that you gain further knowledge on the real issues because we don’t need anymore expose pieces with no fire to them. We have movies like Showgirls and G String Divas to do that. I understand that the Daily Bruin is a forum for college writers to learn from these issues, I just hope that the backlash that may occur as a result of this piece is minor or non existent. Thanks again for your time and I hope that you commit to making your writing about our community and issues better next time.

Sincerely,

Jenna
SWOP-UCLA

The next week SWOP-UCLA did a workshop entitled "Have all sex workers been abused?" Zeb T and I spoke about being a survivor and not a survivor and being a sex worker. There were about 40 people sitting around us including one older woman shouting at me "Don't you respect yourself? Don't you want to fall in love?" She was like the devil's voice inside of me that used to haunt me in my last years at the Crazy HOrse. I replied cooly to her/the crowd that I really did respect and love myself and that I finally did so fully when I embraced the WHORE that I have always been.

Here is an image of the clothesline installation that I created as a memorial to Gary Leon Ridgeway's prostitute victims. I believe that the preying and dehumanization of sex workers is sexual violence that the public needs to reckon with NOW. The Clothesline project is about a twenty year old tradition where survivors of sexual violence make t-shirts to remember or absolve their trauma. All t-shirts are put up on a clothesline for 3 days on campus in May. There were hundreds of shirts collected over many years.

Later that night I performed "A Song for Survivors" at the Take Back the Night Rally and March and dressed like a stripper during this march to invoke the idea that "asking to be raped" by the way you are dressed or by what you do as a job is a fallacy. It was my first Take Back the Night, I always thought that it was cheesy when I was an undergrad. I still think that marching around chanting about rape is not the most effective way to stop it. My politics are going through a metamorphosis right now. It's the LA thing. It has A LOT to do with the reality that I deal with in my teaching job. We have come so far, but we have so far to go...

all asianprincess HATERS MUST DIE.

"What are you saying in your work besides 'sex sells?' so what, it's nothing new. If you do controversial work, you have to be prepared for the fact that not everyone is going to like it. It's a wanna be pin up, it's PORN."

I have had a dramatic week of HATERS attacking me from all directions! From school! From home! From this blog! Man. What did I do to deserve this barrage of hatred?

LIFE HAS GOTTEN CONSIDERABLY HARDER SINCE THE LAST HAPPY GO LUCKY BLOG. I moved again from schizo alcoholic to this new place with a control freak asshole ex lover roomate and 2 other guys. I had fleas in the old place. At least I don't have fleas.

The sex workers outreach project-UCLA (SWOP-UCLA) is the new club that I started on campus and I finally got the momentum to put up the signboards and start to promote this new club. It has been extremely hard to try to deal with student teaching at Crenshaw High (which is fucking crazy by the way) and attempting to stay caught up in the college classes that we are supposed to go to in the evenings. I wanted to create the first ever sex worker club on a college campus. Hopefully there will be enough interest and this won't be another failed business plan. We are brinigng in the sex worker art tour and I have gotten help from this other queer club on campus, which has helped expedite the process of having an event.

I just got a recent hate blog which refers to the Lap Victory article I was in in October! So this guy has been sitting on these angry thoughts for some time, typing his rough draft speech and then leaving me his email, asking me to write him back because he would like to hear my side after he insulted me repeatedly. Well, this isn't the first time this MONTH some ASSHOLE had demanded that kind of submission to criticism.

I made a mistake and tried to get romantically involved with my roomate in the next room. I cuddled with him and slept with him and we became good friends too fast too superficial only lonely people wanting sex and one lonely girl thinking a relationship with her roomate would possibly work out even though he was a mendacious racist who would never groove with my political ideals. One of the things he likes to do when we are fighting (we fight, or fought a lot) is make fun of the idea 'He is the Oppressor.' "I am not the enemy!" He keeps saying. Shut up white man. Just admit your priviledge and see that your silencing and criticizing me is historically based. A lot of people I try to have relationships that end up with us bitterly fighting with each other entail them making fun of my politics. One of them was an asian guy who was so overblown by my theory on asian fever that he chose to make fun of me for it during the course of an evening when we were at an asian/white wedding. ("Oh, there's a lot of asian fever in here...") so, it almost doesn't matter what race you are. If what I'm saying is totally NEW to you then you are going to resist with every ounce of strength that you have. And why wouldn't you? I AIM TO THREATEN YOUR POSITION OF POWER. You speak from a position of someone who is UNWILLING TO RELINQUISH any of the power that you inherited as a white person, as a man, as a straight person, etc. This same roomate recently ate the last of my cookies, and then when I approached him about it, he faulted ME because I didn't put my name on them. No accountability for anything, cookies and slavery don't seem to have anything in common, but they do.

I had to put my art work out for my roomates to approve to be put in the downstairs gallery that we run together as a house hold. The 3 of these guys did not like my work. I left the hitchhiker series and the Pamelea painting out for a week. I asked one of my roomates what he thought one week later.

"Oh, I think they would look great. In your room."

I've never been so insulted. I called a house meeting and read them a 2 page monologue about how I felt disenfranchised and silenced, not represented and backed up against a wall. How their actions were creating a hierarchy and I was on the bottom end of it

We worked it, mutual probation, i think. i still don't get to put my favorite works down in the "main area" because that's not the image that they want to present to the public. Ugh. I haven't had to deal with conservatism for such a long time. I wish I had my POrtrero HIll studio loft with ALL my images ALL over the WALLS, My palace, my gallery, my rules. I miss that. I was born to live alone, but while I am living off of borrowed college loan money, I am stuck.

We have finally worked it out, my roomate and I so that we are JUST ROOMATES. Phew. That was a crazy drama movie that I just walked into. I know, it's my fault. I want what I want and I don't care if there are consequences. I paid the price. Have you ever gotten together with someone, dated them for a month and then realized that you really had nothing in common, and in fact HATED EACH OTHER'S GUTS? This is what happened with me and aforementioned. The opening quote is his and I will never forgive or forget. My love, my body, my friendship, my affection...these are beautiful gifts. People take them for granted and I cut them off. I realized that I cannot be friends with someone who only sees my art for the surface meaning. My art is the core of my being (btw he argued that it wasn't, i argued back that he doesn't have the right to decide that for me), Insulting my art is like insulting my mother. I can take criticism. But only from ignorant bloggers like the one in the last entry.

yay for college! yay for happiness!

Why am I smiling right now?
I am smiling because I am happier than I have been in a LONG TIME. I am a student again for the first time in 5 years and I am attacking the familiar with the tools that I learned to use the first time through. I am safe and warm in the university setting where I can excel if I set my mind to it. I appreciate the school setting and all the support that it offers, and it's great because I think I know how to work the system.

I've been a grad student now for about a month and it's been great. The program that I'm in lacks a bit of awareness about what social justice really is, even though it's called a "social justice educator" program. Some of my classes, which as a grad student have all been picked for me are reallyl lame. We are discussing identity issues at an intro level as if those of us who came in the program as activists hadn't already been hyper aware of the struggle before we decided to become grad students.

I'm not doing much but things that are related to school, but I look at it like a diversion to develop different parts of my me which will definitely just flow back through my art. I have goals to perform at some open mic at the end of the month, but I don't know how I'm going to have time to prepare anything for it. It will just be good to be on stage again. It feels like it's been so long.

I'm also smiling because I have been OBSESSED with losing fat and making my body look better and I'm making some progress. This has nothing to do with living in LA. It's something that I've been trying to do since my fat blog in April. I started going to the gym then and got very little results, except it made me feel good because exercise is a great stress reliever, especially when you aren't having that much sex. I started to go on a FAT FLUSH detox diet last month and have now switched to this other plan called THE ABS DIET. Yes, I'm a pop nutrition junkie, it seems. But I'm not that rigorous about following things in books, and i combine what I feel fits from each book. I wanted to lose weight and I was sucked into a fear of carbs phase, believe it or not, but I didn't really know what I was doing. I just figured, maybe it's true,because everyone is saying so. Such bad logic. so I started to go to the bookstore to read the TRUTH ABOUT CARBS. My ex roomate bought this fat flush book and it worked for him. The biggest change is that I eat nutrition vs. crap. I almost never eat fried foods now and I have kicked my coffee habit and have transformed that into smoothies instead. I still have about 2 cups a week, but now I snack on fruits and I eat kale and love it! I'm just amazed that smoothies give me more energy than coffee with caramel syrup! Some of my healthy friends have talked about the highs they get from yoga and from being healthy, and now I'm starting to understand that it can actually happen! (I still smoke weed though, just not as often because I"m always having to read difficult articles on education theory. I also still hate yoga.) I did a photoshoot before i left the bay and I just saw the contact sheets yesterday. I look like I lost 10 lbs even though I've only lost 2.5. My face is slimmer and I've gotten rid of what seems like 1/2 of the fat that I used to carry in my belly. It made me feel SO great last night that I was ready to rent a plane and write "it's working!" in the sky! I guess I must be gaining muscle mass. My stomach is definitely looking better these days. Thank you god. So women are not allowed to really obsess over their bodies, because then they're being "typical." The desire to make yourself healthier and in better shape is so gendered for women. I just wondered if I put my mind to flattening my stomach, could I really do it? I've never had a flat stomach, BUT I've also never not eaten chow fun, fried calamari, pasta with cream sauce, bagels and cream cheese and fake bacon. (Whoah, even writing that makes me kind of ill because I don't eat like that at ALL anymore!). I used to be able to eat anything that I wanted. Or perpaps I did it out of rebellion against being the typical salad eating, carb counting girl who thinks she's fat when she's not.

I'm planning to start a sex worker outreach project (SWOP) organization on campus and continue my sex work activism while I'm a student here at the university. What better way to fuck shit up than to be an outspoken whore while you are studying to be a school teacher? I plan to use the university's money to plan a conference for sex workers next year, just like I did with my asian women conference while i was an undergrad at UCB. THIS plan is probably the one of the things that is making me the most excited. I'm always thinking about ways that I can best cause trouble, and make other people pay for it...!

I have 2 goals for Christmas. Play the guitar and sing a pretty song AND have a six pack. I think that these are actually realizable goals and it's exciting.

I found a new church. A church is place where one can find sanctuary, peace and God, right? Well my church is a swing set on the beach in Santa Monica. I've been going there a lot to swing and watch the sun set and it's been a religious experience every time. I feel great these days and I appreciate this greatness because days and moments like these are not as easy to come by so I appreciate it them intensely.

Fuck it's almost my bedtime. Until next time.

LAP VICTORY? The last strip club I worked for is financing my first year in grad school-ASK ME HOW!

I'm in a feature article in the SFWeekly this week.

It's a benign tour via David Steinberg, a straight male writer on alternative sexualities' who has frequented strip clubs as a customer but is also a supporter of sex worker rights. No angle is too urgent or angry. It's more of an overview piece that ends in a "oh, whatever the city decides to do (shakes his head) we'll just have to wait and see where this goes." I'm rightfully a bit more angry and revolutionary in my approaches. San Francisco has too many strip clubs, too long of a history with the same labor issues, too many women working as strippers without health care, minimum wage, who willingly pay out stage fees on a daily basis. There is no such thing as a "Lap Victory" until the city enforces basic labor rights of the employees of these clubs who are doing legal sex work. Exploitation of dancers for illegal stage fees is not a San Francisco phenomenon, it is a national phenomenon. The DejaVu club system is probably the most exploitative and nationally imitated model in their own clubs and in the many clubs that have naturally followed the standard of making millions of dollars profitting of their dancer employees. The movement has been crying that Laws against Prostitution = violence against women but the city doesn't seem to care about the basic labor rights of sex workers whether they are doing legal sex work or illegal sex work. In support of decriminalizing prostitution we often argue that tax payer money shouldn't be wasted on arresting prostitutes when they could spend their time time on crimes with an unwililing victim? WHO is the law protecting when they bust in on private rooms and arrest women for doing sex work? The sex workers? The customers? The management? A: No One! WHO is the law protecting when they don't bust in on management when they charge their workers illegally for the right to work? The management is the only one who profits from that equation again and the sex worker is given the short end of the stick when she is the one whom the business exists for in the first place. The only intervention that needs to happen in strip clubs is in the offices of management demanding that they have the records of their employees audited for the payment of illegal fees. They should then check for compliance with the law that requires all employers with more than 50 employees to provide a health insurance plan and mandatory overtime compensation.

In a world of decriminalized prostitution would we have clubs that stop calling themselves "strip clubs" and openly call themselves "sex clubs" like the power exchange or the gay public sex spaces like Steamworks. Dancers could choose to work at venues that offered more or less sex and there would be something for everyone.

The reason that women don't come forward to file for backwages and compensation of illegal stage fees is partially because of social stigma, but really when I said social stigma, I meant institutionalized sexism. Kobe Bryant's case showed me that society was not ready to deal with the issue of rape in any new way that was fair or empathetic to the survivor of the alleged crime. There is soo much brain washing and mind games that happen in some of these clubs. Not a lot of employees in all industries understand labor laws. American companies notoriously exploit their workers, cut corners and in turn profit of the savings at a loss of rights of their workers. Restaurants, Car lots, various corporations all illegally classify workers as independent contractors, or fail to pay them for every hour that they truly work and have some bullshit commission system. They then only provide healthcare for those that are willing to be exploited by their systems and only after a 90 day probation period. I know because I have worked in many industries that cut these corners with their workers all the time. And workers just willingly take it because they don't have the strength to organize or they don't know that another paradigm exists. Another reason women don't come forward with their cases is because a lot of strippers leave their careers in a transition that they want to leave behind without looking back. Is that a social stigma? I'm not sure but the idea of taking a manager to court for any violation seems to be uncovering more wounds than most are willing to.

My first pre-hearing at the labor commision was before I had a lawyer on my side and the and last time that I would face the managment of the New Century. It was a kin to filing charges against a rapist and sitting across from him in a small waiting room. I could not look him in the eye, I was overwhelmed by some of the legal terms that were used and I was scared shitless of just being in the room with a labor commision that I didn't yet know was actually on my side and a slimy manager who was lying through his teeth, saying that I never worked at his club, he's never seen me and he has no employement record of my ever being there! Since I am a survivor of sexual assault and have not used the legal system to press charges against my perpetrators because of the legal definition of rape this was the first sort of hearing that had to do with a violation of sex [work] that I had ever been involved in.

The next parts of the process was a breeze thanks to my lawyer and friend David Bigeleisen who agreed to do all the talking for me in hearings to come. That took a lot of pressure of this process and we finally triumphed almost a year later in a settlement of $18,000. Needless to say that 1/3 of it is already spent, the rest of it will be used to finanace my graduate education at UCLA this fall. This result is possible to all former dancers but the road to get to where I went is not an easy one. You have to overcome your own feelings around the work and really understand how the labor laws work and how you have been violated in order to pursue a case. This is a lot of ask for for a lot of dancers because the point at which they decide to quit their strip club is often emotionally charged. This is a lot to ask of a lot of people to come forward and file any kinds of violations. I want to tell people the process that I went through and tell them that it could be easy if they kept records of their employment, but that mentally the process is very challenging and drawn out but well worth it if you are persistent. They tried to get me to settle originally for $5,000 but my tenacity finally paid off. I found out that they were scared of going to the final labor commision hearing and were frantically trying to get me to settle with them before the final court date. They tried to get me to sign a confidentiality agreement and I laughed at them. I finally settled because I just wanted to go on with my life. I wanted to close the chapter on my strip club fight once and for all. And the end has come and gone and it seemed like it was too easy. A lot of changes inevitably occur in the time it takes to take a case from start to finish and last October I finally went through a door where I came out a survivor of the sex industry. This may or may not have been related to my labor commission cases, but I think it had a lot to do with me being fired from working as an exploited car sales person. I could not get over the fact that it was impossible for me to survive without stripping and that I could not no matter how hard I tried "get out" when I wanted to. I finally gave up trying to quit and learn to embrace the flexibility and ultimate power in the income it provides. Hustling is a survival skill that marginalized people's have learned to acquire, some with style and grace. I call myself a moderate because I don't have the empowered happy hooker story without the acknowledgement of the very important element of gender oppression that I felt during the last 3 years as a stripper trying [so desperately] to transition out of the sex industry into something better, more overground, legitimate, less having to do with people wanting something all the time. I have broken a few of my boundaries without regret, "descended" into the pits of "more sex work" out of curiousity ( a couple of hand jobs in 5 years, call me a spoiled woman) and realized that I LOVE the fact that I DON'T fuck, but just PRETEND to fuck. It amuses me still. I always said I would have sex for $1000 (no takers yet) but I have gotten a client to give me $1000 to fly to Miami. When I got there, he didn't even want a dance before sending me off with my money. I have also, however, had to turn an extra to get enough money to buy groceries. So the pressure to do more to pay stage fees, to pay bills, to EAT is very real to me. It's not all about clothes and tanning booths and getting your hair done for all of us. When you become a surivival sex worker THEN you know the pain of hustling to survive. And when you get OVER finally then you feel the pride and the power of hustling to survive. I know that I don't have the patience or the silence to work in a strip club anymore although sometimes I try to kid myself and think that it would be fun while I am travelling (but I know from trying out at another lame club in Miami that it's not). I am interested in educating and empowering other women in the process of knowing their rights and the process of filing a labor claim. I think it's great that there's such a thing as a stripper society that teaches women to invest their money. This is great for the women who are making that $1000 a night that I hear they make at the O'Farrell theatre. I was never that girl, however the more organizations and communties that women in the sex industry have to choose from the greater chance of the stigma subsiding for the mainstream. Without decriminalization of prostition we can't even begin a dialogue about independent workers that run their own business instead of sucumbing to exploitation and fees from pimps and managers. With the legalized prostition model the only workers that are tolerated are those working in a brothel model not as independent workers. Most people don't know the difference between legalization and decriminalization. I can say that I didn't until I got involved with the decrim movement in November. I had been the owner of my own independent outcall stripping service for over a year and finally realized that it was indeed an empowering thing to be running my own business and entirely in control of my money, boundaries and safety. This was an important step in empowering myself within the sex industry. There is a hierarchy of sex work no matter what anyone says. It has to do with class which often has to do with race but also has to do with boundaries and how much sex work a worker does and where she does it. In the article Nancy Banks from the stripper society says,"We're not on the streets! [Management provides us with a wonderful safe place to work!]" eliciting her position in the hierarchy over street workers but also implying that if women weren't stripping at the O'Farrell they'd be on the streets which I feel is highly unlikely. She also says that problems between dancers and management are a "thing of the past" which makes me laugh. BUT, It does depend on where you work though, some managers and owners and the worst and others are pretty good. I loved my manager at the Crazy Horse. We talked, smoked and hung out after work, and it was very difficult to face him in my hearings because of these feelings. But I've worked at a lot of clubs and some managers and owners I can barely pretend to smile at.

The independent outcall owner is the unsung hero really. Since there really aren't any women owned strip clubs in San Francisco besides the Lusty Lady and it's worker owed cooperative model, independents are the next best thing. Strippers aren't taught to think outside the club model. In fact while I was at the Crazy Horse, the idea of doing a bachelor party or going to someone's hotel room was beyond me or below me and definitely unsafe. Ha. The change is funny now. Everything I said I would never do, I've done. There was even a time when I used to think that dancing nude was something that I would NEVER do.

There was a time when I felt like engaging in prostition could not possibly be healthy for the worker or the client. I realize not that I was just echoing the repressive voice of the anti-prostitituion movement and the anti-porn feminists that claim to be speaking for women's rights. I realized that the S.A.G.E (Standing Against Global Exploitation) model of getting women to transition out of [this horrible awful job called sex work] was the message that I was internalizing. I must get out of this, I would say every year. If you HATE being a stripper or sex worker, and you HATE your job, then in this line of work because it is so close to YOU and who YOU are or need to be every time you do it, you are really HATING yourself. It is especially rough when you can't get of the job that you hate! Needless to say, it was a tough time for me.

I used to think that a guy who had sex work with a prostitute was disguisting. And that I could not be friends or date a woman who did more than strip. Why? Because she HAD to mentally and emotionally unstable and have lots of baggage and behaviors that she obviously could not control. It was parallel to the diffence between having friends who smoke pot and shoot heroin. One was going too far for me. I supposed it was about keeping what I had deemed negative self destructive behaviors and people out of my life. Maybe some of you can relate. I know I'm not the only one that feels this way, and that my feelings didn't come in a vacuum. It's a complex issue but I think it all has to do with social and gender conditioning and the messages that we are taught from the very beginning about whores and women who act like whores or chose to be whoeres. I've since meant some kick ass intelligent whore activists who have literally changed (saved) my life. Carol Leigh, aka Scarlot Harlot is a longtime prostitute activist and artist who is perhaps 20 years older than me and still kicking ass. Veronica Monet is a ritual abuse survivor and activist who is fifteen (?) years older than me, also a sexual assault activist and speaker and long time high class escort and courtesan. They are out there, like me changing people's minds and changing people (men, women, client/worker's) ways of thinking about women's lives and choices.

Goodbye San Francisco!

I know it's been a while since you've heard from me, and SUDDENLY I am leaving the Bay Area in 9 days in a 15' truck heading off to an industrial warehouse in Culver City! (the center of LA) I'll be living next to a body shop with a 40 year old architect and another yet to be determined roomie. The space is 1800 square feet huge. I can bring ALL OF MY ARTWORK, my furniture and all of the life I left behind in my other loft in Portrero Hill. I can have a photo studio and a performance space and walls to spread out my installations! AND it's sunny in LA right now! This is nothing like my Portrero Hill space. It is an old run down "real" live/work. But the rent is also nothing like what I was paying in Portrero either. I am slowly emerging from my fall. I finally moved out of my mom's house in Union City and I spent the summer in San Francisco subletting. I must say I am happy to leave. It's been foggy almost every day with occasional 65 degree sun in the afternoon.

I am feeling good right now. I have been tempted to blog when things were not looking so bright, but I must remember that the people only want to hear you when you are feeling good. I have also decided to go to BURNING MAN again this year, but this time BY MYSELF! None of my friends are going this year, and I'm going to be in the midst of moving towns, but I think that it will be the perfect impetus for creative and spiritual re birth which I will need to start my new life in LA. I was worried that it was just going to turn into a place to either have sex, have a breakdown or have a flaming 2 day affair with the soulmate of my drug hallucinations.. and it might be that for it has always been that in years past, but now, having gone 5 years, at least I know what to expect. The playa has always been a good place to go in times when I've felt the need for answers. I don't know how, but I find them, in the dust and the sun somewhere out there.

Internet Dating: More Adventures.
A guy I had never met up with (we were planning to meet up that Friday) flipped his f-in lid when I didn't call him back in a timely fashion. I guess, that's why, I'm not sure, really to this day what the deal really was. He was cussing me out like I had never heard since the glory fighting days of my last relationship! I hung up on him and then he called me back and left a GREAT message about how I was a "fake political bitch" and that I was a bananna (white on the inside, yellow on the outside) and that I LOOKED LIKE A BOY! (Is that supposed to be an insult?) Remember, we have not met yet, so all he was going on were details from my online profile. I wanted to save it and make it a clickable audio file for all my friends to laugh at, but my friend Bipasha impulsively erased it when I let her listen to it. It was really interesting, I guess. I felt like I needed to make art out of it to make sense of it at all because nobody does or ever has called me names like that. Imagine if I actually went out with him and he started yelling at me in public (!) I don't like being called a bitch or being yelled at, especially for no reason. No one really has the right to verbally abuse me. I think I am the worst nightmare for those who need anger managment because most of the time when people fly off the handle like that I don't fight, I just sit there and stare at them until they feel like they're done, or I'll walk away and make them be done.

SCENE II:

I met a bi curious boy on this same internet site. I didn't know it until we met up that night. I was SOOO excited to finally not be the "objectified bisexual." I know have a 2 (straight or queer) guy fantasy. He was way cuter than his pictures were. But, alas, he did not like me. We were at a bar and he said,"I went out on one date in my life with a guy..." 'oh really?' i said. "...he's at the other end of the bar." 'well bring him over here! Let's all have drinks!"

I cannot make people like me. I can only present myself the way that I am. here I am. in all my perfections and imperfections.

I FINALLY GOT LAID so a lot of the tension in my writing is gone. Thank the Lord for that one, I was starting to become a whining sore on everyone's back. I didn't only get one shot, but two full shots of sex with the SAME PERSON!! I can't tell you how long it's been since I've had sex with the same person twice. That's almost on the way to marriage in my book! (which is probably why he got scared and blew me off (?)

It had been 2.5 months since the last time. I was starting to walk through downtown trying to shoot bedroom eyes at every random man and woman who passed my way. It was getting a little scary. Add a little marijuana on top of that and you have a dangerous situation. But let me clarify. I'm not desperate. I tried to be desperate and it didn't work. I put an ad on the casual encounters section on craigslist, oh, just to see who would reply. I got a bunch of couples and single men replying with their pictures. No one that I would want to sleep with unless I was really fooling myself with drugs. Mostly, craigslist is full of lots of normal horny people in the bay area just like you and me. These are the same people that you buy your mattress from or sell your car to, but instead you're asking them to dominate you and be their little girl, nothing changed, just the wording of the posting! So, no to the craigslist, no the the bust personals (although the results of that were a bit more hopeful) and no to going to a play party to have casual sex because I get REALLY SHY in those types of spaces believe it or not.

So, my San Francisco friends, the last official local gigs I have coming up are:

THIS SATURDAY! San Francisco Late Night Commision Fundraiser Art Show and Performance Party. A bunch of artist are setting up live art and art for sale tables downstairs in the basement of 511 Harrison Street. Upstairs will be other artists, DJs and performances by Xeno and others. This party goes until 4am and would be a great chance for us to hang out one last time!!

click here to view the official START SOMA GALERY INVITIATION for more info!

I will also be showing a Marilyn piece at show called "Submission" sponsored by JUXTAPOZ magazine which opens on Friday August 27th. It's at Club 6 on 6th and Market, next to Tu Lan Vietnamese and the many many guys stumbling around on crack...

Finally my sister's hula school is having a big show on Satuday August 28th at 2 and 7pm at the Cowell Theatre in SF. It's totally worth the money if you want to know anything about real Hawaiian culture and history. Not the Elvis version.

Not just any hula halau but one that understands preservation of first nation cultures through songs and music and storytelling. They ROCK the house. Traditional, spiritual, powerful.

My family and my friends will always be in SF. I plan to try to operate from both cities as much as possible. It's not far for me to come up to do a show or come to my nephew's birthday party so I'm sure this won't be the last that you will be hearing from me. I just have hopes for bigger and better things and I can't seem to achieve them here.

xoxo,
asianprincess